


Catatonia

by LadyMaricchi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blow Jobs, Domestic Boyfriends, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Living Together, Long-Haired Eren Yeager, M/M, Mentions of Jeankasa, Pining Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Post-Canon, Post-War, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:48:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28784427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMaricchi/pseuds/LadyMaricchi
Summary: When Eren wakes up in an unknown bed with no memories of what led him to such a situation, he believes that the best thing to do is to explore his new surroundings. Of course, he did not expect to be stuck on a desert island, alone, if not for the sublime company of his ex-Captain and teenage crush, Levi Ackerman.
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 19
Kudos: 230





	Catatonia

**Author's Note:**

> Initial notes: WARNING, this fic contains MANY SPOILERS of latest chapters (130 onwards). If you only watch the anime, be careful. This is a Secret Santa gift to the wonderful Manuh
> 
> English is not my first language and this is my first attempt of translating something. If you find any errors, please tell me so I can correct them. This fanfiction is a translation of a work originally in portuguese written by myself. The work in the original language can be found in my profile together with the link to SpiritFanfiction site where it was first published.
> 
> This work was inspired by Celine Dion's song "Loved Me Back To Life"
> 
> A thank you very much to Agatha who helped me with the translation.

**C A T A T O N I A**

That day, when Eren woke up, he was aware that something was strange.

Not so far, he could hear a strange sound. It resonated like a hiss of something, it was constant. After a few seconds with just that sound in his mind, he realized that waves were crashing against each other, like on a beach.

He smelled salted water and tried to take a deep breath. It felt like there was a weight on his chest, but as he inhaled and exhaled, that weight dissipated until he could breath with no trouble. However, he couldn't see anything and wondered why he couldn't open his eyes.

It took a few more minutes just with the sound of waves crashing against rocks and the pleasant smell of the sea, until Eren managed to open his eyes. However, what he saw around him didn’t match what he could hear and smell.

He was lying on a considerably large bed in a very organized room. Inside the room, he could see a half-open window, a dresser, a mirror, a fireplace and an armchair. Eren had some trouble sitting on the bed. His limbs were weak, he was tired and his stomach seemed to contain a hole. How did he get there? Where was this place?

Struggling to try to remember something, he felt that something was very wrong. The last memories he had were blurred, but they certainly didn't involve lying in any bed, wrapped in scented sheets in an unknown room. He could vaguely remember what had happened: the rumbling, colossal titans everywhere, his body conscious and unconscious at the same time, the desperate cries of Armin and Mikasa... 

Had the rumbling been just a dream? 

No. It was too vivid to be just his imagination.

He looked at his hands as if he couldn’t believe he still had the ability to move his own fingers, but everything looked exactly as it was before he lost consciousness and ended up there. Ten fingers. Right. So… where were Mikasa and Armin? Captain Levi? Reiner?

He tried to sit up, but his body responded slowly and perhaps that was a consequence of using the Founding Titan’s powers. Eren noticed the clothes he was wearing consisted of a shirt and pants that he definitely was not the original owner, as he had never seen them before, and his feet were bare.

When Eren finally got up and opened the blinds, he faced the sea. The sky was of a deep blue he had never seen and the sea was a true immensity. For a long moment, he just absorbed the scene in front of him. He hadn't really enjoyed the view when he first saw the ocean but now it seemed like a nice time to appreciate it.

“But where am I?” He murmured under his breath, surprised at how hoarse his voice was. As Eren cleared his throat, he realized he was thirsty.

From what Eren could understand about his surroundings, he was on the second floor of what appeared to be a cottage on the beach and there was no sign of someone else, like a noise or personal belongings, so he supposed he could find out what was in the rest of the house.

He left the room, seeing that the cottage was somewhat small, as there was only one more room on the second floor that he didn't open the door to spy on and other room that he supposed was a bathroom. He went downstairs, noticing how everything was made of stone and wood and had no particularly personal decorations.

Downstairs there were a simple living room and a kitchen, both separated only by a balcony. Eren approached the balcony cautiously, noting the oven that seemed to be hand-built. His stomach rumbled and he decided he should find something to eat, after all, he probably was here invited by someone, right?

“There must be bread around here, or something” he muttered to himself, crouching down to search the cabinets. There was nothing inside, except a few empty food pots. Why did he feel like he hadn't eaten in years? He was starving… 

Eren gave up looking in the cupboards and rose slowly to his feet, still feeling weak, and thought he had heard the living room door opening. It could be the owner of the house; maybe they could answer where were they.

He had barely stood up when he felt something hitting his back, making him lean in pain and be thrown to the floor. Tired and unable to resist, he felt a hard weight being placed on top of him; his arm was pulled back in a clear threat and Eren hissed in pain. A hand pressed his head harshly against the wooden floor and Eren held a grunt when he felt his arm twisting almost to the point of breaking.

“How did you get here? Where did you come from?” the voice of the person who held him grunted aggressively against his ear. Eren twisted his body, trying to soothe the pain in his arm, vaguely recognizing the voice, but the pain was so intense that he barely had time to think of any answer other than the one he gave.

“I just wanted to see if there was food!”

The weight on his back froze, the breath against his ear paused and the steady hand that pulled at his arm didn't force it any further. Eren was hesitant to resist and hurt himself since he wasn’t strong enough not even to get up. He wasn’t able to guess who the person was and also becoming a titan and destroying the whole cottage might not be a very interesting thing to do. If that really was the owner of the cottage, why was he attacking him?

This person had sheltered Eren because they wanted to, hadn’t they?

The stranger was lingering paralyzed and Eren dared to try to rummage under his body, without success. The hand that pressed his head against the floor remained firm as well, preventing him from trying to turn around and look at the other’s face. 

“I swear I was just looking for some food!” he scolded, annoyed. “Listen, you helped me, right? Why are you doing this? Let me go! I'll leave!”

Silence remained and Eren became even more irritated. He was about to tell that man to fuck himself and get rid of that grip at all costs when, at last, the voice spoke again, and this time in a softer, more recognizable tone. A very familiar tone.

“Eren?” an incredulous whisper. “You... woke up…”

*****

Eren stared at Levi, still confused, holding a cup of tea and a plate with bread and jam in front of him. His hunger was beyond what bread, jam and tea could satisfy, but Levi's indecipherable expression made him too curious to simply forget everything and wolf down the food.

“So... are you going to explain what's going on?”

Levi looked inconsolable. He was in a state of agitation that forced him to walk back and forth in the kitchen, even causing him to fumble while preparing the tea and drop some things once or twice. Levi had done nothing more than to order Eren to sit down and eat.

He hadn't even looked at Eren’s face yet.

“I don't remember much.” Eren continued. The Captain was not a man of few words and in the moments which they had previously been alone, Levi was always the one who started a conversation, implying that Eren's silence was uncomfortable. But right now, Levi was the one who couldn’t find his words, even when there was so much to say. “I just remember you… Mikasa, Armin, but… nothing at the same time”.

Levi's expression was tired. Eren vaguely remembered a huge scar across his face, but right now his skin was perfect as always; it was like that extensive wound had never crossed his face. That tired expression made him look a little older, but the captain had never been a young man.

“You were responsible for stopping Ymir, the founder.” Levi started, looking a little lost. “But only after the rumbling decimated everything. Somehow... all those titans, all those colossal ones, just turned to dust.”

Eren looked surprised. He couldn't quite remember the rumbling. Levi looked disappointed, but who wouldn't be?

“Every single titan shifter had their powers removed. I was hurt and suddenly was not.” Levi went on cautiously. “And you were one who did all of this.”

Eren blinked stupidly.

“Does that mean…”

“Eldians are just ordinary people and the only remaining nation in the world, at least as far as we know”

Eren did not drink the tea, just remained there watching Levi who had not yet looked him in the eye. Had Eren done it? Had he managed to save his people from the whole world’s threat?

“So this means… that Armin…”

“... is perfectly fine and no longer has to worry about an expiration date.” Levi completed. “All of them, actually.”

Eren pressed the cup in his hands, tears filling his eyes. Armin was fine, Armin was not going to die. His friends, all of them, were safe.

“I need to…” he murmured suddenly, rising from the table. He staggered and supported himself before he fell on the chair again, realizing that Levi had gave him the eye. He finally looked at Eren face to face.

“Sit down to eat, Jaeger, you're not going anywhere.”

“Where are they?” he protested. It was better to remain sat, his body was really weak. He had passed out after this whole rumbling event, apparently.

“Where else? In Paradis, obviously.”

That made Eren's eyes widen, confused, but Levi went on before he asked.

“You are a war criminal, Eren. Queen Historia and Commander Arlert have decided that the best place for you to stay is here.”

“Here? Here where?” he exclaimed.

“I also don't know exactly where we are, but we are far away. It took us seven days to get here, by horse and by ship. We are on an island, far, far away from Paradis.”

Eren looked down at his hands, watching how white his knuckles were pressed against the cup. Had Armin and Historia punished him? Not that he expected to live unpunished, but, why didn't they want to see him anymore?

“Before you start thinking bullshit, it wasn’t them alone who decided.” Levi went on, looking down at the spotlessly clean floor of the small kitchen. “There are eldians who love you, there are eldians who would rub your nose on the floor. They are not the majority, but Eldia faces a moment of peace and Historia's reign is prosperous. Either way, you were presumed dead. Be a hero or a villain, for our world, you have become a legend.”

Eren remained amazed looking at the bread with jam. He regretted not having eaten it soon, for now his stomach was twisting. Wouldn't he see anyone else? Never? Not that he wasn't ready for death when he decided to start the rumbling, but never being able to see his friends again while he was still alive...?

“You don't have to make this shitty face, they send us letters.” Levi continued, in a softer tone of voice. Perhaps the expression on Eren's face had softened him. He was not a stoic man, he just had an intimidating exterior. “And once a month a ship comes to bring food, clothes, utensils, whatever we need here. They have come to visit us too, they just cannot do this always, nor often. It would be suspicious that the heroes of humanity would disappear together once a month.”

What?

“Visit? When?”

Finally, Levi looked at him. The look in his eyes was confused and had so much emotion that Eren couldn't even identify what it was. Disappointment? Fear? Nervous? Concern? He didn't know how to deal with Levi when he was in that state.

“Last week.”

“And… hm… for how long was I unconscious?” they had decided to move Eren, they had built the cottage, they visited monthly. A considerable amount of time had passed, then. How many months had he slept?

A glow crossed Levi's eyes and Eren could have sworn it was tears. His words had Eren shaken.

“Four years.”

*****

Eren spent the day sitting in front of the cottage, on the beach sand, under a tree. He had taken a walk around the island alone after Levi dropped the bomb. It was a pretty big island and he just walked along the edge of the beach until the small house was out of sight and then returned, kicking pebbles and collecting shells. Behind the cottage, after a long strip of sand, there was a closed forest; in the background, it was possible to observe mountains. Probably, it was there that Levi looked for food when what was brought by the cargo ships was not enough for the month.

When he returned from the walk and sat on the sand, Levi appeared beside him and, in silence, handed him several papers. They were all letters exchanged between Captain and Mikasa, Armin and Historia over the years.

Eren read them calmly and somewhat shocked at being able to understand how all that time had passed and how his friends were leading practically normal lives. Historia's baby was a girl, whom she had named Juno, and she was already four years old. Armin was the commander of the Scouts, which now carried out expeditions much longer than just a few days; in the last letter he sent to Levi, he estimated that the next expedition beyond Paradis would take three months, and he was optimistic about what they could find on these trips. Eren was surprised when, in a letter, Mikasa revealed that she was marrying Jean. In the last letter sent by her, a few months ago, she said she was expecting a baby. Mikasa still didn't know if it would be a boy or a girl, but the only name she and Jean had thought at the time was "Eren".

There were also the others, of course. Annie, Reiner, Connie. Everyone living their lives normally, or as normally as they could in a post-rumbling world.

Among all his friends, only one person was in this isolated place with him right now.

Why? 

The sun had already set a few hours ago and the light in one of the bedrooms upstairs was on. Eren entered the house, going upstairs and straight to the room he had not entered in his previous exploration.

Levi was sitting at the table writing a letter. He looked up at Eren when he stopped at the door like a ghost. It wasn't exactly a bedroom, it was more like an office, and there was no bed.

“Tired of being outside?” Levi asked.

Eren gestured to the letters he held and approached the raven, placing them on the table to return them.

“Are you hungry?” Levi went on with more questions. Eren wanted to ask his own, but would it be too weird? The Captain could only evade his questions. They had had many meaningful conversations in the past, or just some vague ones. But, at that moment, it seemed complicated to start something.

“No.”

“If you want to take a shower, we have running hot water here. It was my demand before I came to the middle of nowhere.” he mumbled, turning his attention to the letter he was writing. At a glance, Eren realized it was a letter to Armin, probably telling the commander that Eren had woken up. “The bathroom is down the hall.”

Eren left the room with a lump in his throat without having asked what he wanted. The captain's look seemed distant, as if he was hiding something, and he also looked embarrassed, avoiding to look at Eren in the face.

Eren decided to go to the bathroom, noting that there was a bathtub and a shower. This was cutting edge technology. Most houses in Paradis didn't have plumbing like that. Well, after the expansion of technology in Paradis, hot water coming out of pipes reached everyone, but in his childhood it was something that not even the richest had. It was to be expected that Levi would demand a full bathroom as a prerequisite for moving to a remote place.

The water was really hot and Eren came out of the shower revitalized, until he realized he hadn't taken clean clothes or a towel. The clothes he had been wearing were soiled with sweat, sea water and sand, and Levi would certainly put him to sleep outside if he saw him wearing them. The only towel he could find there was possibly Levi's own.

Great. Levi would remove his guts if he found out that Eren had dried himself with his towel.

After five minutes of dripping in the shower, he ventured to the door and half-opened it enough to stick his head out.

“Levi?”

No answer, but Eren knew Levi had listened, so he went on.

“Can you bring me a towel?”

Levi's head appeared through the door of the room where he was in and he looked back at Eren with a judgmental look; Eren was grateful that his body was partially covered by a wall. Then, Levi sighed and headed for the bedroom where Eren had woken up. After a few seconds, he returned with a towel. Eren reached out and smiled in thanks.

Levi just left without saying anything.

Right, there was still a lot to talk about. What probed Eren's mind right now were the reasons behind the Captain being the only one who was there. Now that he was awake, would Levi leave Eren alone in that place? Loneliness was not something he was a fan of and thinking that he could be abandoned there at any time left him a little distressed.

Eren wrapped himself in the towel and went to the room where he had woken up earlier in search of clothes. He found a pair of pants in the first drawer of the dresser. There were several changes of clothes with his size and the reason why there were so many left him confused. He put on his clean pants and hung the towel on the porch to dry.

For the first time that day, he stopped to look in the mirror. His face was still the same as four years ago, but it was not as if there was much change in someone from 19 to 23 years old. He just noticed that his hair was a little longer than it was back then. Hey, hadn't it grown then? 

Eren was startled when Levi appeared at the bedroom door.

“Will you need anything?” That seemed like the only question Levi was capable of thinking of. It must be some weird way to show that he cared. Of course it made Eren happy to know that Levi could be in this God forsaken island by choice, and not just out of duty, but at the same time it made him so tense. Years before, they had so many meaningful conversations, why did it seem so difficult to establish a dialogue now? A strange atmosphere hung over Levi and that made Eren anguished.

Eren didn't want Levi to hate him.

“Hm… I don't think so.” he commented. “Have you been cutting my hair?”

The question escaped from his lips faster than he expected, but the raven’s reaction was worth it. He watched Eren, surprised, for a few seconds, and nodded slightly.

“It was getting too long. You know… difficult to wash and comb.”

Eren wasn’t expecting that answer. It made his whole body warm with shame and his cheeks caught fire. Levi... Levi had…

“You...” Eren took a step forward, but Levi seemed determined to impose a certain distance between them. Perhaps it was because Eren was shirtless, but he felt a certain anxiety about being half-naked in front of Levi at that moment.

“I would not let you four years in coma without a bath.” Levi grunted roughly, staring at the furniture behind Eren. “Or did you think you were also sleeping on the same sheets since we came here?”

Eren didn't argue, too surprised to say anything. Maybe even a little embarrassed about Levi seeing him naked all those years.

“Will you want something or not?”

“Hm … is this my room?” he asked.

“Yes. All yours.” Levi replied, suddenly becoming ruder than Eren remembered and maybe it could just be hate. After all, the raven was not the only person that Eren had disappointed, but he was the only one who was being forced to stay there with this stupid murdeder. Four years living isolated on an island, without company, taking care of an invalid criminal. In fact, Eren didn’t expect to remain alive after all that, his own will was to die or to kill himself; but it seemed that the great dark void he had seen when he touched Historia’s hand was not death, then. Just a coma.

“There's only this bedroom.” Eren pointed out, watching Levi again. “The other room is an office.”

Levi raised an eyebrow, seeming to be watching Eren right for the first time that day. It looked like a little difficult activity for him.

“I mean, where do you sleep, Captain?”

Levi clicked his tongue.

“Do not call me ‘Captain’, my work with the scouts has been settled for four years.” he grunted, taking a step back. “And you know I don't need a room to sleep, unlike you. If that's all you have to say, I will…”

“Still sleeping at the table?” Eren insisted, starting to become irritated. It wasn't his fault that Historia and Armin had forced Levi to stay there with Eren. Now that the brunet was finally awake, he could manage on his own and the raven could go back to civilization and have a normal life.

But Levi just turned around and pulled the doorknob behind him, getting out of the room and closing the door.

Eren clenched his fists, feeling heat rising through his body, and opened the door abruptly. It was not polite to chase his former Captain practically without clothes, but at that moment he didn't care about anything.

Besided, if Levi was no longer his captain, he would treat him as an equal.

“Levi!” he called, seeing that the other hesitated to stop to listen. Levi probably had only stopped because Eren's tone, once mild, was now furious. 

“I know you didn't want to be here and now that I'm fine, you can go back to Paradis.” he began. “I know that, like the others, you didn't want to see my face after what I did and that's okay, I know what I did, and I don't regret it. Isn't that what you always said? To live my life with no regrets?” Eren asked rhetorically, without waiting for an answer to proceed. “You can't even look me in the face, can you?”

Levi turned slowly, watching Eren's face with an unreadable expression. Eren had never been a master at deciphering the minds of others, he had always been better at expressing himself. When it came to Levi, then, he never knew what to expect.

“This is more complicated than you thi-…”

“No, you don't have to answer.” Eren continued, his voice still high. “You've already spent a lot of time with me. I just needed to say something.”

As Eren said that, he went back into his room and slammed the door. Levi did not return to finish their conversation.

There was a small balcony in his room where he sat on the floor during the night. From the balcony, he could watch the stars, the moon and the waves of the sea that hit the sand. When Eren got tired, he lay down on the floor and lost his gaze by all those bright spots in the sky, remembering Mikasa and Armin. That was an activity that the three did a lot together. He missed both, even though it looked like he'd seen them just yesterday. Just knowing that four years had passed, he missed them. Eren wanted to see how they were doing, if they had changed. Mikasa was certainly different because of the pregnancy; but he sure wouldn’t see her in the next few months, and maybe even the next few years. Jean wouldn’t allow her to travel for so long with a baby just to see Eren.

And Armin... as a commander, he had better things to do. He had a whole world to explore now, with no worries. There was no need to leave part of the soldiers behind to protect the walls; there was nothing to protect themselves from. There were no more enemies.

At one point, Eren thought he had heard a sound coming from inside the room, but he ignored it. The window in the next room was lit, proving that Levi was still awake, and Eren was also sleepless. Maybe sleeping for all those years would have paid off a little. After a few minutes, he got up and went into the room; on the table was a bowl of soup and an old notebook.

“You are an idiot.” he swore, not sure if he spoke to himself or to the bowl. He was hungry, but also ashamed to go down and get something to eat after what he had told Levi a few hours ago.

He ate quickly and then sat outside again, enjoying the brightness of the window next door. The notebook was some kind of diary whose first day written there was equivalent to the first day of Eren's coma. The handwriting was Armin’s and his friend detailed some procedures performed on Eren, how long they expected him to recover, what types of damage his body evaluated after the end of the rumbling, among others.

Eren continued reading the diary, seeing how Armin described Eren day after day. It was a weird coma. Eren didn't need to be fed. It was as if Ymir's remaining power somehow circulated through his veins to keep him alive; moreover, neither Armin, nor Annie, nor anyone else kept their titan powers. It was the end of an era.

Sometimes the handwriting was Mikasa’s, sometimes Levi’s. As the months went by, Levi's handwriting became more constant until he was the only one to write things there. Eren supposed that was the moment when they both had already been living isolated on this island. There were lots of notes that supposed Eren would die after the last four years of the curse; apparently, no one expected him to just wake up.

After a good dose of courage, Eren got up and went out into the hall, heading towards the office. He didn't think of knocking on the door when he saw it ajar and, in the end, he thanked himself. Levi was sitting in the chair, his head lowered in his arms crossed on the table, asleep. Eren sighed, hesitating between leaving the notebook on the table or going back to his room without touching anything.

Of course he needed to fumble and hit his foot on the door as he left the room, causing Levi to startle and raise his head. The raven’s eyes were full of sleep and his hair was a little rumpled, but when he realized it was Eren, he seemed to calm down.

“What is it?” he asked in a sleepy voice, looking Eren up and down.

“Nothing, I just... I came to return the notebook.” he was confused on what to say, so he just left the notebook next to Levi's things.

Levi rubbed his eyes with his hands, looking exhausted.

“Don't be shirtless outside, you'll get sick.” he murmured in a tired voice. 

Eren's heart sank.

“It's really getting cold” the brunet answered. “Are we close to winter? Does it snow here?”

Levi looked up at him tiredly after thinking about it for a moment.

“Not much. Only when it gets very cold.”

They were in silence for a long minute. Levi stared at his empty cup and Eren stared at his bare feet. Anyway, Eren decided to say something.

“I'm going to get some sleep.”

“Go.”

Silence.

Eren clenched his fists.

“Levi, I…” he began. Levi looked up from the empty teacup and Eren could see the picture of exhaustion on his face. Finally a clear image on that face that was so hard to decipher. His heart was still clenching, so he just went on with what he wanted to say. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“They didn't abandon you.” Levi spoke quickly. “They just have their duties to fulfill.”

“And you don't?”

Levi watched him intently.

“My duty has always been you.”

*****

When winter came, four weeks later, they were on good terms with each other. At least collecting firewood was more fun when they were together, as there was distraction, or at least that was what Levi claimed. Certainly spending four years gathering firewood alone for the winter must have been quite tedious and Eren, again, found himself thanking Levi mentally for everything he had done.

A ship had passed by to leave extra supplies for the winter and also to return with Levi's letter to Armin. Along with it was a letter from Mikasa and Jean. Levi had let Eren read first and now it seemed the world was coming to an end.

“Do you think I'll be able to see her?” Eren asked anxiously.

“Eren, for the nth time, I don't know.” Levi sighed. “But Mikasa is Mikasa, she'll come here swimming with the baby on her back when she finds out you woke up.”

Eren rested the last wood on the pile inside the warehouse before retiring with Levi to the cottage. The winds were cold and, when it rained, a thin frost fell. The snow used not to be intense, but the cold tended to be hard and it was possible that it would arrive earlier tonight.

“I'm an uncle now. I think.” Eren decided while locking the front door of the cottage. “What do you think about this?”

“I don't have a good experience with uncles.” Levi grunted, entering the kitchen with Eren on his tail. “I'll make some soup to warm up your frozen brain.”

“Should I give her a gift?” he was excited until he remembered his current situation. “Oh, but there's no way I can give any gifts.”

“I'm sure Armin will provide your gift to the child if you send him a letter.”

They were both silent as Levi cooked in a comfortable silence that had become common recently. Eren nudged the splinters of the table with his fingertips while watching Levi’s back. In the last few nights that the temperature had dropped, Levi had argued for Eren to close the balcony window, as the cold went right to his office. Levi seemed to be sensitive to low temperatures and the proof of that was the wool coat he was wearing now.

Eren sighed. It was hard not to notice Levi now that they were together every single day. That was something that came from his teens, a platonic admiration that had developed when he joined Levi’s squad. When things started to go wrong, he just drowned out that feeling to allow himself to move on.

Being with Levi here, now, with nothing to stop them, left him with ideas he didn't know if he wanted to have. Levi always cared a lot about him, but that was no excuse for anything. Eren could not let those feelings arise again and hinder his relationship with Levi. Not when they would have to spend the rest of their lives together, since the other had vehemently refused to disobey orders from the Queen and the Commander.

Something inside his heart said that Historia and Armin's orders were not so strict and that Levi could abdicate his task whenever he decided to. If he didn't want to leave, he must have his reasons.

“Do you think she has Jean’s horseface?” Eren asked after ten minutes in complete silence, trying to change the direction his mind was taking. Thinking too much about Levi was never a good thing, especially when he had been admiring the brunet without caution all day. In a way, he believed that Levi had already noticed his look of love and careless desire.

He noticed that Levi turned to face him with a frown, as if questioning whether Eren was being serious or not. Eren raised his arms in surrender. 

“I'm just saying!”

Levi returned his attention to the soup.

“What's her name again?”

“Miyuki.” Eren replied. “It is the same as Mikasa’s mother”

“Better than Eren. One of you is enough.” Levi commented. Eren raised his eyebrow, smiling in the corner and getting up from his chair to go towards Levi.

“Did you just make a joke?” he murmured as he approached the other, leaning against the counter to look Levi in the face. The raven had a terrible habit of hiding behind his bangs often, but Eren liked to watch the expressions that would cross that beautiful face now that he was getting better at deciphering them.

“No. Go take a shower, you were outside all day.”

“Don’t change the subject. Now you make jokes?” Eren continued to press, glad to know that Levi was no longer able to use the "superior" card. 

“I always made jokes.” he replied, apathetic, but there was a slight reddish trail on his cheeks. Eren's chest tightened and that feeling and that sting of excitement was certainly not appropriated. Keeping his face serious would be a more difficult task than he expected, especially if Levi was going to blush after any provocation. Feeling the infamous butterflies in his stomach and a strange urge to press the raven against the counter, Eren thought it best to leave the room as soon as possible.

“I'm going to take a shower.”

And he left, feeling Levi's gaze on his back.

*****

The cold weather really came that night.

The only fireplace in the house was in Eren's room. When he asked Levi why not in the living room, Levi replied that the fireplace needed to be where Eren was, because he was the one who needed to be warm. That made Eren feel internally satisfied with the attention he had received. He had no doubt that Levi had really done his best.

Now, when Levi was sitting on the fluffy rug in Eren's bedroom lighting the fireplace, Eren finally asked the question that was running in his head all day. Of course, after seeing Levi shivering all morning as they tidied up the woodshed, he couldn't help but wanting to ask that. He tried to hide his nervousness by wrapping himself in blankets in the center of the bed while watching Levi.

"Why don't you sleep here in the winter?"

Levi stagnated holding a piece of firewood, his back turned to Eren.

The crackle of the fire seemed very loud in his ears as he waited for Levi to say something. It shouldn't be that important, it was just a silly question, actually. It meant nothing at all. So why did the raven's back seem to strain so much? Eren swallowed, feeling weird again.

Had he said something wrong?

"And take your bed for three months? I don't think you understand the inconvenience you're going to cause yourself with this offer." the answer had an ironic tone, almost as if it were a failed attempt to make a joke. Eren licked his lips, slightly irritated. What was wrong with his bed? It was soft and comfortable, large and he didn't mind having Levi sleeping next to him every day. It didn't even have to be just in winter! In fact, just the image of waking up with Levi by his side made him shiver.

"I didn't offer the bed." he said harshly before he could hold his tongue. Since Levi was just going to make jokes, he better just forget his feelings before it got any worse. That platonic admiration had given him lots of headaches in the past. Now, fantasizing about what it was like to see Levi in the morning with messy hair and a hoarse voice certainly wouldn't do him any good.

Levi still had his back to Eren and he just looked up in surprise. In a mechanical movement, he lowered his head back and dropped the wood into the fireplace, letting out a strained laugh.

"Of course not."

Eren bit the inside of his cheek when Levi stood up and walked towards the door. The brunet hurried to get up and slammed his hand on the door as soon as Levi touched the doorknob, preventing him from opening it. 

"Where are you going?" his voice came out irritated, but in his chest there was fear; fear that Levi would leave that room and everything that could ever happen between them would leave too. Unfortunately, anger was the only tone his voice kept in moments of tension.

Levi was frowning when he met his gaze. No, that was wrong. Levi wasn't supposed to be angry, it was Eren who had no control over his anger!

"I'm going to walk around my house."

"The house is not yours, it is mine too." what was he talking about? He was desperate. Levi couldn't leave that room right now. Eren needed to understand why his comment had made Levi angry. Eren needed to confirm what was bothering him since he woke up weeks ago. Why was Levi, of all people, the one who decided to be there with Eren forever?

"What are you talking about, Jaeger?"

Levi was very angry. He just called Eren like that when he got irritated.

Eren threw his weight against the door, leaning against it and crossing his arms. Levi had to take his hand off the handle and lift his head to look at the brunet straight in the eye. Levi had a fierce glare, but Eren knew how to be intimidating too.

"You will not leave my bedroom without telling me the reason you got angry."

"I am not angry."

"You are. You only raise your eyebrows like this when you are angry" he challenged.

Levi frowned and narrowed his eyes for a brief moment.

"I know you sleep in the armchair." Eren continued. He didn't know what he was talking about anymore, he just felt that he needed to talk about what had been stressing him these past weeks. "I woke up in the middle of the night once and saw you sleeping there".

The armchair was right next to Eren's bed. The first time he caught Levi sleeping there in the middle of the night, he was startled. Luckily, Eren didn't wake the other up; it was an intriguing scene, to see Levi curled up in his chair, hugging his knees. He was small enough to squeeze into it and take a nap.

He was never there before Eren fell asleep or when he woke up in the morning.

Levi looked lost.

"My bed is large enough, why don't you sleep in it? I'm not going to bite you and I don't even bother sharing it with you." the truth is that sharing a bed with the other would be a much more than pleasurable activity for him.

They glared at each other, Levi's gaze looking lost. It had never been difficult to get information out of Levi, he usually spoke what went on in his head without worrying too much about being shocking or unnecessary. It was eccentric to see him lost in his own words.

"Don't you think it's weird?" Levi replied with another question. Eren didn't understand.

"What?"

"Don't you think it's weird to wake up in the middle of the night and find me sleeping next to you?"

Eren still couldn't understand and just said what seemed the most logical answer at the time.

"I think it is very clear that you've been doing this for the last four years, so it wouldn't be so soon that you would get rid of this habit. And it's not like I don't want to sleep with you." Eren murmured, still leaning against the door. He felt that the last part spoke for itself and left no gap for Levi's interpretation. "Do you still want to escape the room? You'll have to take me down first."

The answer did not come in words. Eren was surprised when, suddenly, his body was being pulled and thrown against the floor. He grabbed Levi's arm; if he were to fall, he would take him with him. Levi seemed to realize his mistake and tried to keep his base steady so as not to fall with Eren, but Eren weighted more than himself. The two fell to the floor on the fluffy rug, with Levi on top of Eren, who immediately squeezed the raven in his arms.

"What are you doing, idiot? Let me go!" Levi demanded with his arms immobilized by a bear hug.

"Not until you tell me what you want." Eren kept his voice steady. It was now or never. Even if Eren would have to listen to what he didn't want, it was better than being kept in the dark.

"I don't want anything!" Levi squirmed. His hands were held down and he moved them as he could until he reached Eren's waist line, nudging him hard. Eren was always ticklish and that was enough for Levi to free himself and to stand up like lightning.

"Oh, but you won't!"

Eren couldn't explain how the fight became a silly prank. Still lying on the floor, he grabbed Levi's ankle and pulled him again, causing the raven to stagger against the floor once more. Eren pressed Levi's body against the fluffiness of the rug and sat right next to him. Levi stared, surprised and with no reaction, while Eren kept a hand on each side of the raven's head while looking at him intensely.

"What do _you_ want?" Levi was the one who asked that time, giving up in trying to move. It's true that the raven was fast, but it's not like this was a real battle. The brunet knew that Levi wouldn't want to hurt himself or Eren just to run away from a conversation. That was not an expected behavior for an adult.

"I need you to stop running from me and tell me how you feel."

Levi alternated his gaze between the ceiling and Eren's face. Then he turned his face to the side, facing the crackling and cozy fire right next to them.

"I always thought we could talk." Eren continued. "We spent many nights awake together before all of this. I know that I betrayed your trust. If that's why you don't want to talk to me, then…"

"You didn't betray my trust." Levi said, turning his face to Eren. "I always knew that you would do what you did."

That surprised Eren a little.

"If that was the only alternative to prevent everyone from dying, so be it. I was tired of fighting." Levi murmured. "I lost too many people because things were as they were. You put an end to everything. I have no remorse."

Eren smiled a little, feeling more motivated to tell Levi what he wanted to. Eren could, at least, tell the raven how he felt and let him decide what should happen with their relationship.

"There is something I've been wanting to tell you and… it's been eight years already. Well… it doesn't seem like a long time since I slept for half of it." he tried to make a joke to calm himself, but his heart still clenched.

Levi continued to watch him. His face was serene, different from the usual, and that made Eren a bit nervous. If his guess was right, it was possible that Levi would return his feelings. Levi was terrible at expressing himself as Eren was pitifully trying to read someone's feelings, but could they be on the same page at least that time?

"Then talk." Levi's tone was low, almost a whisper.

Eren closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, and when his voice came out, he didn't even recognize it. 

"I've always liked you."

He waited for the raven's reaction. It felt like forever until he heard a low laugh and his heart sank in his stomach. He opened his eyes, startled, but Levi's face didn't look as scornful as he expected him to be.

"Do you always say important shit like that with your eyes closed?"

"Hm?"

Levi touched the brunet's shoulders with his hands, pulling him close, and Eren let himself lean over the other. Their noses touched and he was surprised to feel how cold Levi's was.

"You're so cold." Eren said. Levi brought his hands to Eren's nape under his hair, making him shiver. The look on the raven's face showed that it was a small prank. "Why light the fireplace if you don’t even warm up?" he murmured, allowing his lips to lightly touch the other's.

"I don't need the fireplace." he said while looking at Eren quite suggestively.

It was Eren's turn to laugh.

"You didn't even answer me and you're already assuming things?"

"I thought my answer was obvious."

It was Levi who kissed him first, making his heart race with nervousness. That was a yes. Levi kept one hand entangled in Eren's hair and the other went under the brunet's coat, touching his back and making him moan against Levi's mouth. Those hands must be cold, but his tongue was warm against Eren's. The heat from the fireplace only increased the temperature and soon the cold hands were welcome against his skin that seemed to be on fire.

Eren adjusted his body over the Levi's, pressing his knee between his legs so he opened them. Eren moved away from the kiss, sitting on his heels to remove his coat. The raven looked at him; his face, so pale, was flushed and he was watching Eren like a hawk, leaning on his elbows to get a better view of the brunet's body. Eren walked a lot on the beach without a shirt and the sun kissed skin he already have from his soldier days got an even prettier golden tone last month.

Eren threw his coat on the bed, leaving only the white tank top he wore underneath.

"Are you sure you won't be cold?" he asked. "Don't you want to do this in bed?"

"I won't let the sheets get dirty." Levi spoke as if it was obvious.

"Sure. Then this fluffy rug will get dirty." Eren laughed, leaning over Levi again and giving him a kiss on the tip of his cold nose. 

Levi frowned, thinking hard about the words Eren had just said.

"It's a joke!" Eren hurried to say, kissing the raven on the neck to distract him. "No one is going to get the rug dirty, I promise." he whispered. It was not a good idea to upset Levi when he finally had him with his legs open and ready to be kissed and fucked. Not that Eren was against the idea of having sex outside. If Levi didn't want to get anything dirty inside their cottage, this would be a pretty nice solution since they had the entire island to themselves.

But as much as the idea of fucking Levi against the sand pleased him, the snow falling outside and Levi's already cold nose and fingers wouldn't be a nice match. Also, a frozen ass probably wasn't something that would turn the raven on.

Eren kissed him and pulled on the wool coat and shirt, removing them with Levi's help, then concentrated on unbuttoning his pants. Under the clothes, Levi was hot and there were goosebumps on his skin. The fireplace did well warming the room, but it was still necessary to wait a bit more until it was comfortable to be without clothes in the bedroom.

Well, Eren couldn't wait. Not when Levi sucked his neck so enthusiastically.

"Fuck it." Eren murmured to himself, pulling the waist of Levi' pants down together with his underwear and throwing everything somewhere in the room.

"You will fold everything later." Levi scolded with some difficult when Eren started kissing his neck and jaw.

"After I do you, I can do everything you want."

He heard Levi chuckle and then squeeze the fabric of Eren's tank top with his hands.

"Aren't you going to take yours off?" he asked. Eren shook his head .

"I won't fuck you on the floor."

Levi blushed hard.

"What does your shirt have to do with fucking me?"

But Eren was looking around as if looking for something.

"I bet there's nothing we can use, right?"

Levi looked confused for a few seconds.

"Lube" Eren clarified.

"No." his face was even more red. Eren sighed, slightly upset, and pouted.

"In the next list of supplies, I will order some lube myself." he turned his attention to Levi and pushed the other against the fluffy rug so he could relax.

“Will you ask the commander to send ... ah.” Levi covered his lips with his hand when Eren licked the entire length of his hard cock before putting into his mouth “E-Eren!”.

Eren held his cock tightly with one hand and with the other he squeezed Levi's thigh, preventing him from moving to much. He thanked the rug for being soft and easing the contact against his lover’s body or his back could be sore. He concentrated on sucking that dick, in the muffled pleasure sounds Levi made and the sudden tightening of Levi’s small hands in his hair. The fireplace warming the room suddenly didn't seem like a good idea anymore, and who knows, maybe he should have taken off his own pants before he started. They were too tight and too uncomfortable now. Eren’s body was always warm and he didn’t have a problem with the cold. Now, with Levi sweating and moaning under him, he felt like he had a fever.

Even if he needed to take his own pants off, he couldn’t just stop sucking Levi right now; he didn't want Levi's grip on his hair to loosen. Eren realized that squeezing the inside of the raven’s thigh caused his hips to rise and his head to fall back; it seemed like a very sensitive part of his body. Eren felt the skin of his shoulder breaking under the pressure of the nails and he didn’t hold the moan against his lover’s cock. But even with Eren so concentrated in sucking him, the sounds Levi was making were being restrained by that hand covering his mouth.

“Stop it, don't cover your mouth.” Eren spoke in a low tone of voice, surprised on how deep his voice had sounded. He grabbed Levi's wrist, pulling on the hand that covered his mouth and felt a chill go through his spine; it was obvious that Levi didn't know how attractive he looked right now with that messy hair, hard cock and red face. “Cover your mouth again and I'll stop.”

“Fuck you.” Levi mumbled trying to sound rude, but his gaze was lost in pleasure. Eren smiled and leaned over Levi's torso to distribute bites over his abdomen.The hand in his cock kept moving up and down, nonstop.

“So you don’t care if I stop. What are you going to do?” he teased. “Sit on my face and fuck my mouth?”

Levi looked irritated. The proof of that was that Eren felt a tug on the back of his neck when he tangled his fingers in that long hair and pulled Eren face to face. Eren couldn't help but smile when he realized that underneath that skittish behavior, Levi was falling apart in submission.

“Do your job right, Jaeger.”

“Yes, Captain!” he replied, provocative. “If… hm, you let me move my head.”

Levi eased the pressure on his hair, allowing Eren to suck his dick again. Without a hand to muffle Levi’s voice now, Eren felt so hot that he regretted they had lit the fireplace. He could feel sweat running down his neck and back and even Levi's hands on the back of his neck and shoulders were warm. He could feel the raven’s thighs tightening under his touch and his dick was dripping so much precum that Eren just sucked him eagerly. A deep sigh left Levi’s lips and that indicated he was close to orgasm. Eren licked the head of his cock one last time before sinking his teeth into the sensitive, inner part of his thigh.

“Eren!”

He restrained the leg that bent in surprise when the raven felt the bite. Eren sucked against the salty skin, pleased to hear a groan when Levi finally fell apart in his hand, dirtying Eren’s hand and his own belly with cum. 

Eren ran his tongue against sensitive skin and sucked it in an attempt to leave a mark. Levi didn't seem to mind, concentrating on his own breathing. A few seconds later, Eren felt a foot on his shoulder pushing him backward; he moved away, sitting between Levi's legs and watching him like a hawk. Eren licked his dirty fingers as he waited for Levi to recover, pleased to see that he had managed to leave his thigh marked. Maybe he could do some more? One on his neck would be really good… maybe Levi would let him leave one on his butt? 

“Don't lick it, it’s disgusting” Levi muttered, still out of breath.

Eren smirked, caressing Levi’s belly with the tip of his fingers so he could collect the cum that escaped from him.

“I just sucked your dick, eating your cum is just finishing the job” he murmured, leaning over the other. He touched Levi’s lips with his dirty fingertips, running them down his chin until he held his face. Levi had a look of disgust, but he didn’t ask Eren to stop. 

Eren kissed him lightly on the lips, licking the remaining cum, and soon he felt Levi's hands going immediately to the buttons of his pants, loosening them and relieving the pressure on his own cock a little. It’s not that he didn’t want Levi to suck him in exchange, but… 

“Let me…”

“In the shower.” Eren murmured. “I won't want to get out of bed after feeling your pretty mouth on me and you'll be complaining that we are sweaty.”

“I'll have to wash this fucking rug already.” he replied in a frustrated voice.

“I didn't even make a mess.” Eren protested. “I was so careful, didn’t drop a single bit of cum”

“But I know what happened here, I can't ignore it.” Levi frowned, leaning on his elbows. He received one last quick kiss on the lips and glared at the stupid smile on Eren's face. “Let's take this shower before I give up on you”.

“You're in charge, Captain.” Eren stood up, reaching his hand to pull Levi.

“Don’t call me that!”

*****

“I can't believe you’ve done that.” Levi stuck a paper in front of Eren's face. “For fuck’s sake, what did I do to deserve you?” and then he left the room muttering something about Eren sleeping on the rug that week.

Eren stared at the paper, confused. The cargo ship had just arrived with supplies and left, but he did not come down to see anyone; none of his friends were there, after all So, he just let Levi handle everything as usual.

It was a letter from Armin.

_Eren,_

_Mikasa, Jean and I are agreeing to see you as soon as possible, we miss you too. I also don't like writing letters very much, so I tell only what is necessary to ex-Captain Levi. We are very happy that you woke up and we can't wait to visit you. I provided your gift to Miyuki. She still can't express satisfaction at winning things, but I'm sure she'll be happy to know that you care about her. And no, she has nothing from Jean. She is exactly like Mikasa, we even joke about her having the baby alone._

_About your order, I have arranged and it is inside the supply box. No, I couldn't ship three packages, but I don't think you'll be using that much until the next batch of supplies. In fact, next time, be aware that all correspondence from the island sent to “Commander Arlert” is authorized to be opened by other high-ranking members of the scouts. Thus, Lieutenants Kirschtein, Ackerman, Springer and Braun are aware of what you both have been up to. They wish you well._

_See you later,_

_Armin._

Oh.


End file.
